## X. Growth of Mind and Conduct

### What to Do When Afflictions Arise

Q: Lately I have encountered many problems in life. I feel helpless and keep giving ground to affliction, bit by bit. This feeling of being unable to help myself is truly painful. I long for peace. Is this wholesome desire? How should I resolve afflictions?

A: The word *affliction* means disturbance: "fan" is agitation, and "nao" is disorder. It is a negative mental state that disturbs the mind, leaving us without ease or peace, exhausted and in pain. The wish to be free from affliction is something many people have experienced, especially when caught in affliction; then it becomes especially strong, and one may be willing to pay any price. Whether this is a wholesome desire depends on how you try to resolve it. When ordinary people have afflictions, they may drown their sorrows in drink, lose themselves in games, or seek relief through eating, drinking, shopping, and entertainment. These methods may offer some temporary relief, but they're only an escape; they cannot solve the problem at its root, and they bring many side effects.

To resolve afflictions, the key is to see clearly how they arise. In fact, many afflictions come from our views. How things in the world affect us depends not on the things themselves, but on how we regard them. Therefore we need to understand which views do not create afflictions, so that we can counteract afflictions. The Dharma divides thinking into two kinds: unreasonable attention, which is erroneous thinking; and reasonable attention, which is wise thinking. If we look at problems with erroneous thinking, we create afflictions wherever we are, whatever we do. Conversely, whatever circumstances we encounter, we can accept them peacefully and seek a wise solution. Thus the way of thinking is very important; it can stop afflictions before they can manifest. But to completely cut off afflictions and their root causes, we must rely on right view and realize emptiness through meditation.

### Accepting Adversity Is the Way to Stop the Loss

Q: I work in mental health. During the Wenchuan earthquake I did psychological aid work, helping many families who had lost their children process their emotions and get through their grief. But I could not answer this question: "Why did this happen to me?" From the perspective of cause and effect, were they simply getting what they deserved?

A: The Dharma views all the joys and sorrows, reunions and partings of the world through cause and effect and impermanence. But when the other person does not have such understanding and is in extreme grief, this way of speaking can sound heartless. Therefore we must express it skillfully, so as not to upset them or leave them emotionally unable to accept it. Looking at the result in this present life, such a death is a great misfortune for the person and their family. But from the perspective of samsara, death is not an end; it is also the beginning of a new life. If their wholesome karma ripens, their destination may not be worse than the present.

Moreover, every day in the world there are natural and man-made disasters; as the saying goes, life does not go as we wish nine times out of ten. If we do not accept adversity, it is as the sutras say: after being struck by one poisoned arrow, we are struck by a second, causing greater harm. In such circumstances, acceptance is the effective way to cut your losses. If through this we can come to know impermanence and turn adversity into an opportunity for practice, we can not only emerge from grief ourselves but also benefit the departed loved ones.

### Two Basic Principles for Handling Emotions

Q: The Dharma regards emotions as the false self and says we should keep our distance from them. But ordinary people get caught up in emotions and cannot keep their distance. Psychology holds that repression, isolation, and other emotional defense mechanisms can cause emotional numbness, stagnation, and other problems. For ordinary people, is there a universal way to handle negative emotions? In a lecture the Dharma teacher said we should open up the pure intuition of life. Is this related to the subconscious?

A: In dealing with negative emotions, there are two basic points. First, do not create emotions. Negative emotions do not fall from the sky; traced to their root, they come mainly from our views and ways of thinking. In fact, not getting what we want is the normal state of life. It is only when we cannot see this correctly that we give rise to anger, anxiety, insecurity, and other negative emotions. In fact, these emotions do not help solve problems at all; they only cloud our judgment and make things worse. Therefore we must change our views, so that when we face problems, we don't get emotional. Just as with disease, prevention is the key.

Second, do not accumulate emotions. Emotions can grow. Whether anger, jealousy, or anxiety, once they arise, if we don't think reasonably but keep feeding them with irrational attention, they only grow. Just as when you dislike someone, you come up with reasons to dislike them, and the more you think about it the more you dislike them. Therefore, when negative emotions arise, do not indulge them or give them room to grow. Instead, learn to examine them: Why do these emotions arise? What exactly is emotion? Does it have any real basis? When we can calmly observe it, the emotion becomes like a deactivated virus and no longer has destructive power.

Most important is to open insight wisdom through meditation, for only then can emotions be completely eliminated. Of course this is difficult. For ordinary people, the first two points are both within reach. As for pure intuition, it cannot simply be equated with the subconscious. The subconscious has different levels; for example, the seventh Manas consciousness and the eighth Alaya consciousness belong to the subconscious, but both are within the system of the deluded mind. Only by transcending the deluded mind can one enter pure intuition.

### Neither Arrogant Nor Self-Deprecating

Q: I used to feel quite good about myself, but later, influenced by others, I began to feel somewhat inferior and especially care about what others think. How should I adjust my mindset?

A: People often cannot see themselves clearly and unconsciously compare themselves with others. Some like to compare their strengths with others' weaknesses, which makes them feel good about themselves, even blindly arrogant. Others always exaggerate their own shortcomings and use them to put themselves down. Neither is a true perception, and both reflect non-acceptance of oneself. Everyone has strengths and shortcomings; this is normal, because each person's life experience is different. Only by understanding one's present state and accepting it as it is can one progress on that basis. Otherwise, the arrogant will become stuck in their ways, and the inferior will sell themselves short; neither helps you live a better life.

Caring about others' opinions likewise comes from not seeing oneself clearly. When one is not clear about life's goals, doesn't know what one can do, and doesn't know what one truly wants and doesn't want, one is easily influenced by the outside world. If through learning Buddhism one establishes right view and takes charge of one's life, one will not care so much. We can use others' opinions to examine ourselves: if there is something to correct, correct it; if not, take it as encouragement. Beyond that, there is no need to think too much, or it will only add unnecessary affliction. The root of learning Buddhism lies in removing self-grasping. If we stubbornly hold on to this "self," even caring about others' opinions, our suffering will never end.

### Making Time More Valuable

Q: Since joining the practice program a year ago, I have changed tremendously and also inspired my family to take refuge. Now I feel I should devote more energy to practice, but in life I am a daughter, a mother, a wife, and an employee. I find it hard to balance my time. For example, in caring for the baby, if I want to practice, I have to leave the child with the elderly, but out of respect for my elders, I shouldn't add to their burden. What should I do?

A: Lay practitioners all have responsibilities in family, work, and society, and sometimes feel that learning Buddhism conflicts with these worldly duties. This is mainly because one is still a beginner and has not yet learned to apply the Dharma well. As we become wiser and more compassionate through practice, we can handle matters more skillfully. Many things in life have no standard answer; we must judge according to the situation at hand. For example, having elderly parents look after the child is not necessarily unfilial; it can also be a way for them to enjoy family life. Which it is depends on the specific situation and on your words, actions, attitude, and manner in handling it.

Moreover, when our minds have not settled into the Dharma, delusions run wild. Many people busily pass their days, spending much time on wandering thoughts, playing with phones, chatting, shopping, or going to all sorts of unnecessary social events. After learning Buddhism, life becomes simpler and we can save a great deal of time for study and for doing things that benefit sentient beings. Not only that, when your wisdom grows, even caring for children and doing housework can be part of practice and is not in conflict with learning Buddhism. When relating to others, use it to cultivate understanding, companionship, and care; when simply doing tasks, use it to cultivate awareness and abiding in the present moment. When you use your time more meaningfully, your life becomes more meaningful.

### Ghosts Are Sentient Beings Too; Don't Be Afraid

Q: After learning Buddhism I believe in the six realms of rebirth, but whenever I think of beings in the ghost realm, I feel especially afraid and resistant. How can I counter this?

A: Fear of ghosts is partly because they are unseen, and together with frightening descriptions in legends and artistic works, the imagination runs wild, giving rise to fear. It is also because one's own right mindfulness is not strong enough and one is easily disturbed. Regarding this, one can recite the Buddha's name or the Three Refuges, and visualize the merit and protection of the Three Jewels. These holy names have great power and blessings; they can settle body and mind and dispel fear.

Furthermore, we should reflect that ghosts also belong to the six realms and are among the beings that Buddhists vow to help. Their becoming ghosts is the bitter fruit of unwholesome karma; they are already most unfortunate. What is there to fear? If we are filled with compassion, whatever beings we encounter, our minds will hold only compassion, with no fear and no hatred. It is only when we lack compassion that we are seized by fear or negative emotions. Therefore, what thoughts occupy the mind is very important. If we can constantly arouse bodhicitta and cultivate compassion, we will be filled with strength.

### Letting Wisdom Shine into Dreams

Q: How does Buddhism regard human dreams?

Master Jiqun: Generally speaking, dreams are the manifestation of delusive and confused thinking; therefore Buddhism has the expression "inverted dreams." From the Buddhist point of view, our whole life is a dream, not only the dreams we have while asleep. As for ordinary dreams, they are related to mental activity. In addition, they may be influenced by many factors: sometimes certain spirits enter into the dream state; sometimes one may encounter Buddhas and bodhisattvas in a dream; sometimes when practice reaches a certain level, corresponding states appear in dreams; sometimes consciousness has a premonition and knows in a dream things that are about to happen; sometimes exceptionally powerful seeds left over from past lives continuously appear in dreams throughout this life and many lives to come, and so on—it is impossible to list them all.

Q: The *Diamond Sutra* says, "All conditioned phenomena are like a dream, an illusion, a bubble, a shadow." Physicists also say the universe is a holographic projection. But all this is too real; the suffering and joy we experience draw us in and we cannot free ourselves. How can we distinguish dreams from reality?

A: When we are dreaming, everything is also very real; only upon waking do we realize it was a dream. We are now in the great dream of ignorance; before awakening, we likewise feel this dream is very real and throw ourselves into it wholeheartedly, feeling joy, sorrow, and fear because of it. Only after awakening can we see clearly that all we experienced was nothing but dream-images, inverted delusion. But it is hard to distinguish them by conscious thinking alone; we must open insight wisdom through practice in order to see reality as it is. The Buddha, after his awakening, told us what he saw in order to awaken sentient beings still asleep. Having heard these teachings, we must still realize them through practice; otherwise we remain in the dream and cannot understand what the Buddha was saying.